12 Reasons Why You Should Stop Clubbing

12 Reasons Why You Should Stop Clubbing

Young woman in spotlight making face, close-up

I used to like that I had hundreds of people I needed to meet to say hi at a club and do the courteous double-cheek peck with every lap I did around the bar. So what happened since? A lot. Some ten years ago, I stopped making it a habit. I’m sharing this with you ladies who are still partying hard way past your early twenties, because I don’t want you to waste your youth curing your brain with ethanol into oblivion, then wake up many years later, regretting your lack of insight. Here’s why you should stop:-

1. Clubbing is a Repetitive Cycle

You spend lots of time and money to pretty yourself up, dress to kill, and show up like Christmas lights to a dark place with loud music. You check out the scene, hoping you know someone, anyone, everybody. Kiss cheek here, kiss cheek there. Then you strain to talk through all that boom, thinking you have something substantial to say to people. Well, you don’t. For one, the music is way too loud and you’re going to bust your throat if you keep going — which is what usually happens. Next week. Same shit.

2. Clubbing involves Drinking Like Crazy

So since you can’t talk over the loud music, you’re bored. You don’t have the guts to dance off-the-bat, so you get a drink to ready yourself to let loose. So you drink, and everybody seems a lot more interesting after a few glasses in. You drink some more, until which point, you’re hanging off peoples shoulders and launching unspeakable stupidity in all directions. Funny or not, you’re miles away from how you looked when you showed up. Stomach acid in your throat, head spinning, totally forgetting how precious you were as a kid, you’re plastered, hammered, suffering, in other words, RETARDED. Fun when you’re in uni, not so after that.

3. Clubbing is Dangerous

If you’ve clubbed enough, you know there’s always that one guy who mistakenly chatted up a girl, and her gangster boyfriend who had a bit too much to drink starts throwing molotovs at everybody because he hasn’t yet gone to anger management school. If you’ve clubbed enough, you’d have at least some friends who had their faces bashed in, heads smashed with bottles, and sucker punched through no fault of their own. They were just at the wrong place at the wrong time, and now, a scar on the face or lifetime of jaw pain. Worth it, yes? NOT WORTH IT.

4. Clubbing is Inconvenient

Drug and prostitution raids. These are annoying for those who don’t do drugs or offer their oysters for money. Such a colossal waste of time and the world’s most annoying killjoy. Sucks to be treated like a potential fengtao or sex worker when all you want is to hang out with your homies.

5. Smoke, Smoking, Smokers

If you’re a non-smoker, this is where you’ll either turn into one, or breathe in enough smoke to give you COPD or lung cancer in the future. If you’re a social smoker, you’re going to smoke a lot more. If you’re a pack a day smoker, you’re going to do 2 or 3 packs in a night. Not good.

5. Boring Music

Music gets boring when you hear it played over and over again. How many times can you take the same Tiesto track? Nuff’ said.

6. You Age Faster Than Your Non-Clubbing Friends

When you’re drinking like hell, sleep-deprived, smoked like salmon, you’re going to wrinkle, and your cells are going to shrivel because you’re causing premature aging to yourself, willfully. You can cover it up with makeup, but you still have to look yourself in the mirror when you wake up and ask yourself this question. “What happened?” But you know what happened.

7. Clubbing Busts Your Ears

Club music exposure is fine once in a while, but long exposure over years will likely cause you to be deaf later on in life. No joke. DEAF.

8. You Make Mistakes You Can’t Fix

I’m a giggly drunk, but some pleasant people aren’t so pleasant after a couple of drinks. Obscenities and even fists are rocket-launched in the name of the drink. Accidentally bedding the guy your friend likes is something you didn’t foresee, but no matter how you try to sheepishly apologize after the fact, you know it will never be the same again. You just mess up more when your judgement is constantly impaired by alcohol. Just because you behave like your actions have no consequences doesn’t mean that there are no consequences. There’s no excuse for being a bad friend. No excuse.

9. B*tches and Hos

Now I’m not one for name-calling, but there are some nasty-assed ladies who plot evil against other ladies, and then there’s loose-legged ladies everywhere who are competing for the same pool of quality men, week after week. *scoff* You’re not going to meet the love of your life in there. Even when you think you’ve met the love of your life in there, some of those B&H skeletons from the vault will likely cause some heartache. You’re much better off not being in the vicinity of women who are out for blood.

10. You’re Nearing or Over 30

I’m all for “age is just a number” and I think there are circumstances where a girl has got to have a drink and dance it off (i.e. like getting married or divorced). However, if you’re partying often and hard past 30, and this is a pattern, it’s more than not a good look. If you’re nearing 40 and doing this habitually, you need to get professional help. If what you’re doing is the same crap you’ve been doing 20 years ago, you’re not growing, you’re regressing. I say this lovingly… GROW UP!

11. Octopuses

Random men and women, everywhere. Arms, everywhere. Touching you, bits your mama didn’t raise for random fondling. Unless you just like to have Mr. Sleazy there touch you like you didn’t have a mother, this isn’t fun for most self-respecting ladies.

12. Brain Deadness

People don’t go to a club to talk about the splitting of neurons and epigenetics. They’re there to numb their heads and to give a license for their second heads to do the talking. If you need some substance to your chats, clubs are not a place to add more brain cells. I realize there are smart people who sometimes find themselves doing mind numbing activities, but again, they’re there to numb their minds, not stimulate it. Brain dead environments are only fun for 20 minutes. It gets boring, real boring.

This doesn’t mean you and I should never, ever step foot in a club again. It’s fun to party once in a blue moon, but clubbing should only be for a season, and not consume your entire life once you’ve moved into another season of your life.

Bored you say? Go meet your smarter friends for coffee, talk about your dreams, and make it happen. Join groups that help you be a better you. Live your life. That’s why you should stop clubbing.

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